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¡Ask a Mexican!

¡Ask a Mexican!

Dear Mexican: What do Mexicans in the United States think of the violent drug cartel problem currently in Mexico? Do local Latinos cringe with disgust or fear when they hear another drug cartel story on the news…or do they feel a sense of disconnect because they are living in America now and it's no longer a concern of theirs?

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¡Ask a Mexican!

¡Ask a Mexican!

Dear Mexican: I've heard that the Tijuana donkey show featuring a female whore is not real other than the fact that they do bring out a donkey and do some simulation for people who are drunk.

Down-Low Loco

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Astropoop!

Astropoop!

The skinny on your week

  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F4
    A walrus will appear in your dreams. This week: Celebrate the 20th anniversary of Netscape Navigator by asking a millennial if they know what "AOL" means.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F3
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    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    Dear Mexican: Why don't Mexicans tip decently? I labor as a waitress in a local upscale steakhouse where, unfortunately, many Mexicans eat, and the lousy tips are starting to piss me off! Even blacks tip better! I always give good service on the one-in-a-million chance the brown-skinned loser sitting at my table isn't a complete social retard.

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    Astropoop!

    Astropoop!

    The skinny on your week

  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F2
    It'll take a few extra pinches of fairy dust, but you'll get through Tuesday. This week: Only Morrissey understands how you feel.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F3
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    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    Dear Mexican: Why don't Mexicans get green cards and come into the United States legally? After talking to people who have, the process is not hard and only takes a maximum of three years to do. By coming in illegally, they are taking the jobs from legal Mexican citizens and taking advantage of the U.S. social welfare systems.

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    Astropoop!

    Astropoop!

    The skinny on your week

  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F3
    You will soon be recognized for your superior pickling prowess. This week: Join a marching band.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F4
    If you ever aspired to be a guest on Jeopardy!, now is the time to take the test. This week: Go apple-picking with your ma.
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    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    Dear Mexican: One of the things I have found enjoyable and profound is the use of language by Chicanos, mexicanos and Mexican-Americans. Humor and a sardonic sense of history are encapsulated in many everyday expressions. Two examples I can think of are the use of huey (or perhaps buey), and rollo.

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    Astropoop!

    Astropoop!

    The skinny on your week

  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F4
    You will win a minor award in a kite-building contest. This week: Organize a Buddy Holly sing-along party.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F5
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    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    Dear Mexican: A very close friend of mine is supposed to become a U.S. citizen. He was brought here by his parents when he was 9 and has been illegal since then. When the laws changed, he went through a lot of hoops, and it really didn't look good for a long while — especially since he was 30 already by the time the law was truly enacted.

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