Amuse

Astropoop!

Astropoop!

The skinny on your week

  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F3
    Journaling is the key to solving your troubles this week. This week: Adopt a new kitty friend.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F2
    You will almost come to blows with a Cancer in an argument over cake decoration. This week: Smooth it over with buttercream frosting.
  • Section: 

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    Dear Mexican: I've heard that the Tijuana donkey show featuring a female whore is not real other than the fact that they do bring out a donkey and do some simulation for people who are drunk.

    Down-Low Loco

    Section: 

    Astropoop!

    Astropoop!

    The skinny on your week

  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F4
    A walrus will appear in your dreams. This week: Celebrate the 20th anniversary of Netscape Navigator by asking a millennial if they know what "AOL" means.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F3
  • Section: 

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    Dear Mexican: Why don't Mexicans tip decently? I labor as a waitress in a local upscale steakhouse where, unfortunately, many Mexicans eat, and the lousy tips are starting to piss me off! Even blacks tip better! I always give good service on the one-in-a-million chance the brown-skinned loser sitting at my table isn't a complete social retard.

    Section: 

    Astropoop!

    Astropoop!

    The skinny on your week

  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F2
    It'll take a few extra pinches of fairy dust, but you'll get through Tuesday. This week: Only Morrissey understands how you feel.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F3
  • Section: 

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    Dear Mexican: Why don't Mexicans get green cards and come into the United States legally? After talking to people who have, the process is not hard and only takes a maximum of three years to do. By coming in illegally, they are taking the jobs from legal Mexican citizens and taking advantage of the U.S. social welfare systems.

    Section: 

    Astropoop!

    Astropoop!

    The skinny on your week

  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F3
    You will soon be recognized for your superior pickling prowess. This week: Join a marching band.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F4
    If you ever aspired to be a guest on Jeopardy!, now is the time to take the test. This week: Go apple-picking with your ma.
  • Section: 

    Astropoop!

    Astropoop!

    The skinny on your week

  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F4
    You will win a minor award in a kite-building contest. This week: Organize a Buddy Holly sing-along party.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F5
  • Section: 

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    Dear Mexican: One of the things I have found enjoyable and profound is the use of language by Chicanos, mexicanos and Mexican-Americans. Humor and a sardonic sense of history are encapsulated in many everyday expressions. Two examples I can think of are the use of huey (or perhaps buey), and rollo.

    Section: 

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    Dear Mexican: A very close friend of mine is supposed to become a U.S. citizen. He was brought here by his parents when he was 9 and has been illegal since then. When the laws changed, he went through a lot of hoops, and it really didn't look good for a long while — especially since he was 30 already by the time the law was truly enacted.

    Section: 

    Pages

    Subscribe to Amuse