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Astropoop!

Astropoop!

The skinny on your week

  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F3
    You will be able to eat for four weeks on nothing but Thanksgiving leftovers. This week: Put on your eatin' pants on.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F1
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    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    Dear Mexican: Why do Mexicans and gabachos resemble each other so much? Both are very conservative about sex, marriage and family. Both are very Christian, either Catholic or Protestant. Both keep similar attitudes towards immigrants. Both are very patriotic or nationalistic.

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    Astropoop!

    Astropoop!

    The skinny on your week

  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F4
    It's your fate to start a big project in a small organization. This week: Plant coffee trees.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F3
    You will be the last person ever to pay for something with a check. This week: Carve a set of wooden shoes for a loved one.
  • Section: 

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    Dear Mexican: I'm interested in a job that says it is a plus to have an understanding of Latin, Spanish and Mexican music. I found out some names of musical styles such as Tejano, norteño, mariachi, banda, cumbia, merengue, flamenco and so on.

    Section: 

    Astropoop!

    Astropoop!

    The skinny on your week

    Aries: (March 21 — April 19)

    Week rating: F3

    You will soon become famous for the way you make bologna sandwiches. This week: Tap dance your way to a lower cable bill.

    Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)

    Week rating: F4

    Section: 

    Astropoop!

    Astropoop!

    The skinny on your week

  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F5
    Within 72 hours of reading this, you will be on a flight to Japan. This week: Send a "sorry your gubernatorial candidate didn't win" e-card to friends.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F3
  • Section: 

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    Dear Mexican: I'm a half-Mexican — more American than Mexicant (although to Cockasians, I'm sure I'm just another brown spot on their white carpet). I don't speak Espanole nor do I care to, not because I'm ashamed, but I just don't feel the need.

    Section: 

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    Dear Mexican: Why do Mexican men think all us gabachas are like the girls in Bikini Car Wash? I am married, a conservative dresser, frankly not very good-looking at all (but I do have blonde hair, so maybe that counts for something on a guy's internal whore-o-meter) and I speak karate-choppin' good Spanish.

    Section: 

    Astropoop!

    Astropoop!

    The skinny on your week

  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F4
    Your strange and wonderful voyage of discovery begins when you volunteer for a job in which you have no experience. This week: Say "yes" to new things.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F5
  • Section: 

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    Dear Mexican: What do Mexicans in the United States think of the violent drug cartel problem currently in Mexico? Do local Latinos cringe with disgust or fear when they hear another drug cartel story on the news…or do they feel a sense of disconnect because they are living in America now and it's no longer a concern of theirs?

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