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Astropoop!

The skinny on your week

  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F2
    A well-meaning friend tries to cheer you up by buying a helicopter. This week: Find an old attic in which to write "your memoirs."
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F4
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    Astropoop!

    Astropoop!

    The skinny on your week

  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F5
    Your sweetheart will get you a real meadowlark for Kansas Day. This week: Re-read the Lord of the Rings series.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F3
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    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    Dear Mexican: I have a hard time believing that the immigrants we see at Home Depot are the best Mexico has to offer. Why can't we entice more of the cream of the crop of Mexicans to come up north? (Mexico has the richest man in the world, so someone has to be doing something right.) Are the laws just fucked up, or are these people better off staying?

    Section: 

    Astropoop!

    Astropoop!

    The skinny on your week

  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F2
    All you need to perk up is a new velour sweatsuit. This week: Don't let the bastards grind you down.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F4
    The time has come to adopt a cat. This week: Drink with a friend and listen to old country music.
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    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    Special Tucson Edition

    Dear Mexican: I go to Mexico frequently, as I live in Tucson. I kinda like Mexicans. Many Mexicans die in the Sonoran Desert in the Tucson border sector, trying to get to el otro lado. This is because your buddies at la migra in the L.A. sector have pushed them over this way.

    Section: 

    Astropoop!

    Astropoop!

    The skinny on your week

  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F3
    Split pea soup is also good for the soul. This week: Swim laps in the hot tub.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F2
    You'll have just enough time to knit an extra sweater before the snow falls again. This week: Keep knitting and stay warm.
  • Section: 

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    Dear Mexican: I'm in college and I'm taking a class called Latina Pop Culture. I thought it would be educational and informative about the rich Latino/a culture, and I was eager to learn. But the moment I entered the class, it was evident that, as a white girl, I would have to be on the defensive.

    Section: 

    Astropoop!

    Astropoop!

    The skinny on your week

  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F5
    Eating black-eyed peas every day this month will pay off ... in luck and in fiber. Unless your name is Fergie. Then it's just cannibalism. This week: Incorporate the term "raisin ranch" into your workplace lingo.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F3
  • Section: 

    Astropoop!

    Astropoop!

    The skinny on your week

  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F4
    For wooing a Valentine, remember no one does syrup like Ingrid Michaelson. This week: Go to couple's skate night at Skate South.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F5
    A friend will surprise you with tickets to the circus this week. This week: Write angry poems about freezing and heartbreak.
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