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Astropoop!

Astropoop!

The skinny on your week

  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F3
    Now that spring weather has arrived, now is the time to take up bird watching. This week: Invest in a pair of decent binoculars.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F4
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    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    Dear Mexican: Recently, I visited a viejecita in an assisted living home. As I'm getting on in years myself, I wondered how I would fare in such a place. Fortunately I like to eat cottage cheese, but I would like some salsa with it, or better yet, an occasional jalapeño en escabeche. Are there places for those of us who like spicy Mexican food?

    Section: 

    Astropoop!

    Astropoop!

    The skinny on your week

  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F4
    Reward yourself for voting in the primaries with ice cream at Freddy's. This week: Eat grapes for breakfast.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F1
  • Section: 

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    Dear Mexican: As I've been doing a lot more business in the city of Santa Ana (one of the most-Mexican cities in the U.S.), I've realized that a shitload of Mexicans are the Fox News-type conservative, yacking out the same kind of shit you hear at a Glenn Beck conference except for immigration (probably because Tío Juan has no papers).

    Section: 

    Astropoop!

    Astropoop!

    The skinny on your week

  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F5
    When you decide to vary your running route, you'll find $5 along the new one. This week: Dance with your spouse in the kitchen.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F4
  • Section: 

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    Dear Mexican: As you've said before, Mexicans lack education. Why do they? Why don't they care that a high-school education is not enough in this 21st century? I see exceptions to the rule, but the rule seems to be "no more school after high school." I don't get it.

    — Educated Gabacho

    Section: 

    Astropoop!

    Astropoop!

    The skinny on your week

  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F4
    The biggest thrill of your week will be taking part in a BOGO sale on state representatives. This week: Buy low, sell high!
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F3
  • Section: 

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    Dear Mexican: Can you please explain to me the basis as to why some Chicanos and mexicanos get offended when you speak to them in Spanish? As a fellow Chicano, I find it hard to believe that raza gets offended by this genuine approach to them. Have you noticed this behavior yourself?

    Section: 

    Astropoop!

    Astropoop!

    The skinny on your week

  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F3
    Your Galentine's Day celebrations will far exceed your Valentine's Day celebrations. This week: Treat yo'self to some leftover chocolates.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F2
  • Section: 

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    Dear Mexican: Do Mexicans sling racial slurs at each other or casually refer to each other as "wabs," similar to the way blacks call each other "nigger?" What's your take on the whole "nigger" thing anyway?"

    — Kingfish the Cabrón

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