Amuse

Astropoop!

Astropoop!

The skinny on your week

  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F3
    Now that spring weather has arrived, now is the time to take up bird watching. This week: Invest in a pair of decent binoculars.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F4
  • Section: 

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    Dear Mexican: Recently, I visited a viejecita in an assisted living home. As I'm getting on in years myself, I wondered how I would fare in such a place. Fortunately I like to eat cottage cheese, but I would like some salsa with it, or better yet, an occasional jalapeño en escabeche. Are there places for those of us who like spicy Mexican food?

    Section: 

    Astropoop!

    Astropoop!

    The skinny on your week

  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F4
    Reward yourself for voting in the primaries with ice cream at Freddy's. This week: Eat grapes for breakfast.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F1
  • Section: 

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    Dear Mexican: As I've been doing a lot more business in the city of Santa Ana (one of the most-Mexican cities in the U.S.), I've realized that a shitload of Mexicans are the Fox News-type conservative, yacking out the same kind of shit you hear at a Glenn Beck conference except for immigration (probably because Tío Juan has no papers).

    Section: 

    Astropoop!

    Astropoop!

    The skinny on your week

  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F5
    When you decide to vary your running route, you'll find $5 along the new one. This week: Dance with your spouse in the kitchen.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F4
  • Section: 

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    Dear Mexican: As you've said before, Mexicans lack education. Why do they? Why don't they care that a high-school education is not enough in this 21st century? I see exceptions to the rule, but the rule seems to be "no more school after high school." I don't get it.

    — Educated Gabacho

    Section: 

    Astropoop!

    Astropoop!

    The skinny on your week

  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F4
    The biggest thrill of your week will be taking part in a BOGO sale on state representatives. This week: Buy low, sell high!
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F3
  • Section: 

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    ¡Ask a Mexican!

    Dear Mexican: Can you please explain to me the basis as to why some Chicanos and mexicanos get offended when you speak to them in Spanish? As a fellow Chicano, I find it hard to believe that raza gets offended by this genuine approach to them. Have you noticed this behavior yourself?

    Section: 

    Astropoop!

    Astropoop!

    The skinny on your week

  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F3
    Your Galentine's Day celebrations will far exceed your Valentine's Day celebrations. This week: Treat yo'self to some leftover chocolates.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F2
  • Section: 

    Astropoop!

    Astropoop!

    The skinny on your week

  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F2
    A well-meaning friend tries to cheer you up by buying a helicopter. This week: Find an old attic in which to write "your memoirs."
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F4
  • Section: 

    Pages

    Subscribe to Amuse