Aries: (March 21 — April 19) Week rating: F5 Mark Ruffalo will appear to you in a dream and say, "Don't stop believing." This month: Become a motivational speaker — no, become the best motivational speaker.
Dear Mexican: I wasn't born in this country but I got here as quickly as I could at the age of 10. I was born in Mexico and live in Houston, a city that is bursting at the seams with Mexicans and Latinos from every country south of the border. I think I have the solution to all this immigration debate.
Dear Mexican: Why are lowrider artists obsessed with surly clowns? Went to an exhibition of the art of Mr. Cartoon, in Venice Beach years ago, and the clowns in his art were downright disturbing. I've seen these nasty clowns on T-shirts and a bunch of other places, too. What's up with that? Did the whole culture have a nasty experience at the circus?
Dear Mexican: From what I've seen and heard, Mexicans are very family-oriented. They take the names of their mothers and fathers, live with extended family, take carpooling to the nth degree and tattoo the names of their children across their bodies. We recently had a party and invited one of our Hispanic friends. She showed up with her grandmother, mother, sister and her two kids!
Dear Mexican: Why do white people love Marco Rubio and cry at his speeches? Rubio was in my town selling his vision for America mierda to his gabacho constituency, and they drank it up like Tía's fresh jamaica. They laughed, they cried, they wondered why we Mexicans can't get behind the Great Brown Hope.