Run, Kinky, run

Run, Kinky, run

The Texas Jewboy would make a fine Kansas governor.

HOW HARD COULD IT BE?: Kinky Friedman, seen here in a promotional image for his "Man in Black Tequila," is pushing for the legalization of marijuana. "It's a waste of time to bust a pothead," he said. "Never once was anyone busted for domestic violence because he forgets to beat up his wife."

Believe it or not, it's time to start looking for a new candidate and preparing ourselves to win the next Kansas Governor's election. I have found the perfect candidate, Kinky Friedman of the Kinky Friedman and the Texas Jewboys. He ran for office several times in Texas and lost. What's wrong is he's running in the wrong state. Kansas needs and wants Kinky, not Texas.

I checked with the Secretary of State's office, and there are no qualification requirements for governor. Actually a 10 year old could run. Kinky wouldn't even have to change his Texas residency.

Kinky's first calling to serve was for Justice of the Peace, Kerrville, Texas as a Republican in 1986. He lost. The next time he ventured into politics was for the 2006 Texas gubernatorial election as a Democrat against the villainous Rick Perry. Friedman garnered 13% of the vote as an independent and out-fundraised the Democrats. One of his stated goals was the "dewussification" of Texas. He followed other celebrities like Ronald Reagan, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jessie Ventura, former WWE pro-wrestler and Minnesota Governor. In 2010 and 2014, Kinky ran for Texas Agriculture Commissioner as a Democrat but was beaten in the primaries.

Friedman is somewhat Lincolnesque. Abraham Lincoln lost eight elections, crashed in business twice and suffered from depression. As we know, he was one of our greatest presidents.

Kinky endorses medical marijuana. There are many reasons to support medicinal marijuana especially for cancer patients.

Friedman said, "Guess what for chemo? It's the big one; chemo kills more people than cancer. More than surgery or radiation….A lot of people like me who don't smoke pot are realizing this." It could help chemotherapy patients eat, sleep, and squelch the worry about dying. He also mentioned medical marijuana helping children with autism and Alzheimer patients. Think of it; University of Kansas Medical Center could outpace Texas' M.D. Anderson Hospital with cancer patient care.

Legalizing marijuana could also be the answer to Governor Brownback's tax shortfall. Kinky said, "Texas taxpayers would be the new cartels. Sixty percent of the cartels' business would be wiped out effectively castrating the Mexican drug cartels." Governor Brownback has also touted new business start-ups. Maybe Brownback could take a lesson or two from Colorado on legalizing marijuana.

Kinky talked about the numbers of people in prison for minor marijuana charges. "It's a recipe for destroying someone's life. I have personal family that can't rent an apartment." He contends that law enforcement, e.g., redneck cops in the hill country, big-city police and deputy sheriffs support legalizing marijuana. Friedman compared assault and battery from alcohol as opposed to pot: "It's a waste of time to bust a pothead. Never once was anyone busted for domestic violence because he forgets to beat up his wife." It's also cheaper to send those convicted for pot possession to Harvard rather than to jail.

In case you're not familiar with Richard "Kinky" Friedman, he is a well-known humorist, musician, writer and entrepreneur from Texas. His band, Kinky Friedman and the Texas Jewboys, became famous in the 1970s with songs like "Ride 'em Jewboy" and "Get Your Biscuits in the Oven and Your Buns in Bed." He also created "Asshole from El Paso" — the song name sounds somewhat similar to Merle Haggard's "Okie from Muskogee." He has written 21 mystery novels, and fans are waiting for The Hard Boiled Computer which should be finished soon. At a recent concert in Oklahoma City, Friedman auctioned CDs, a fifth of his man in black tequila and his signature cigars. Proceeds went to The Utopia Animal Rescue Ranch, his favorite charity. The guy is a smart businessman. Possibly Wichita State University could invite Friedman as a visiting professor at the new innovation center, and who could resist his passion for saving homeless dogs?

Think about it, we could hold the inauguration at the Bartlett Arboretum. Do you think that Kinky's real dream could be to become the 47th governor of Kansas?

Kinky says, "There's nothing more serious than a comedian who's telling the truth."

He developed sayings that could be used on bumper stickers in Kansas. Texas slogans included: "He Ain't Kinky, He's My Governor"; "How Hard Could It Be?"; "Why The Hell Not?"; and "My Governor is a Jewish Cowboy." One of my favorites that he coined while running for ag commissioner is: "No Cow Left Behind." Let's announce his candidacy at the Troll and light up when the Keeper of the Plains ignites at sundown. I say Kinky 4 Kansas — Run, Kinky, Run.