Astropoop!

Astropoop!

The skinny on your month.

DON'T STOP BELIEVING: Mark Ruffalo.

  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F5
    Mark Ruffalo will appear to you in a dream and say, "Don't stop believing." This month: Become a motivational speaker — no, become the best motivational speaker.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F4
    You will have phenomenal customer service on a budget airline soon. So phenomenal that the reenactment for Ghost Hunters will require trick photography. This month: Bring back disco, in your own small way.
  • Gemini: (May 21 — June 21)
    Week rating: F5
    Your sweetheart will surprise you with a birthday trip to Tulsa. The surprise is mostly in that your birthday was months ago, but still. This month: Impress your friends and neighbors with a home-made ambrosia salad.
  • Cancer: (June 22 — July 22)
    Week rating: F3
    Your new BFF will be riding the West Maple bus at 4:30 on a Thursday afternoon. This month: Bake a pizza with the one you love.
  • Leo: (July 23 — Aug. 22)
    Week rating: F4
    You'll be sent on a last-minute trip to Fresno on a Tuesday. There will be no need to pack either pair of thongs. This month: Bring home a pair of gently used hotel slippers for your bestie.
  • Virgo: (Aug. 23 — Sept. 22)
    Week rating: F3
    Your bestie will go to Fresno and only bring you a pair of stupid slippers. This month: Treat yourself to a double-dip sundae.
  • Libra: (Sept. 23 — Oct. 23)
    Week rating: F5
    You'll be surprised to find a golden ticket in your mailbox tomorrow. This month: Swing by the Wonka factory for a tour.
  • Scorpio: (Oct. 24 — Nov. 21)
    Week rating: F2
    Not only is your personality magnetic, you will soon become magnetic magnetic. This month: Don't be a peak-too-sooner.
  • Sagittarius: (Nov. 22 — Dec. 21)
    Week rating: F4
    This literally is your first rodeo. This month: Eat watermelon every day.
  • Capricorn: (Dec. 22 — Jan. 19)
    Week rating: F1
    You are literally the last person in the world to see Ghost. This month: Take a trip to fabulous, glamorous Cleveland!
  • Aquarius: (Jan. 20 — Feb. 18)
    Week rating: F3
    No one will complain if you start your holiday baking NOW. This month: Go easy on the egg nog.
  • Pisces: (Feb. 19 — March 20)
    Week rating: F4
    You will soon celebrate your 100th straight day of wearing plaid. This month: Take tap-dancing lessons with your cube-mate.