Astropoop!

Astropoop!

The skinny on your week

FOR ALL THE GEMINIS IN THE HOUSE: The Roller Coaster at Joyland circa 1955. Photographer unknown; image courtesy Wichita State University Libraries' Department of Special Collections.

  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F4
    You will have a moment of inspiration while vacuuming the living room. This week: Rattle some cages.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F5
    A birthday trip to Taos will cheer you up. This week: Ski with the worst of them.
  • Gemini: (May 21 — June 21)
    Week rating: F4
    This week will be a literal roller coaster for you. This week: Give a four-leaf clover to someone you love.
  • Cancer: (June 22 — July 22)
    Week rating: F2
    In 17 days, you will be on a bus to New Jersey. This week: Play with your train set and relax.
  • Leo: (July 23 — Aug. 22)
    Week rating: F3
    Close only counts in horse shoes and hand grenades. This week: Ride the relevant news wave and start selling "candy-ass" candies and prayer candles.
  • Virgo: (Aug. 23 — Sept. 22)
    Week rating: F3
    God will close a door, but then open two windows and a fire escape for you. This week: Take a ski trip with your Taurus friend.
  • Libra: (Sept. 23 — Oct. 23)
    Week rating: F5
    You'll be thrilled when you sell your old 1980s boom box for $150 on Etsy. This week: Throw away your old Rolodex.
  • Scorpio: (Oct. 24 — Nov. 21)
    Week rating: F2
    Apologies are for weenies. Double-down for the win! This week: Don't treat your mail carrier to brownies; give her a giant iced coffee.
  • Sagittarius: (Nov. 22 — Dec. 21) l
    Week rating: F5
    You will arrive at the Donut Whole just in time to score the last of your favorite donut. This week: Re-read Cannery Row for fun.
  • Capricorn: (Dec. 22 — Jan. 19)
    Week rating: F3
    You will rock the entire neighborhood with the new boom box you found online. This week: Create a sculpture using old phone books and Mod Podge.
  • Aquarius: (Jan. 20 — Feb. 18)
    Week rating: F4
    It is your destiny to find a fluffy-wuffy ickle kitten from the Humane Society today. This week: Bond with your new kitty.
  • Pisces: (Feb. 19 — March 20)
    Week rating: F3
    You will score major Kid Points for showing your mom how to use Instagram. This week: Sign up for ninja lessons.