Astropoop!

Astropoop!

The skinny on your week

  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F3
    Now is not the time to sell your down comforter on Craigslist. This week: Do a paint by numbers drawing.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F5
    Your favorite coworker will give you a gigantic jar of marshmallow fluff for your birthday. This week: Don't share, no matter how sweetly your office-mate asks.
  • Gemini: (May 21 — June 21)
    Week rating: F1
    A barista will kindly explain to you that if you still order "mocha lattes," people will think you're stuck in 2005. This week: Take a Libra out on a coffee date.
  • Cancer: (June 22 — July 22)
    Week rating: F3
    Strangely, you will receive a fan letter from the Decembrists' lead singer, Colin Melloy. This week: Learn to make pizza from scratch with your BFF.
  • Leo: (July 23 — Aug. 22)
    Week rating: F2
    Not all that qualifies for Amazon Prime is worth the free shipping. This week: Get a prison pen pal.
  • Virgo: (Aug. 23 — Sept. 22)
    Week rating: F4
    You'll get more use out of your socks if you wear them twice between washings. This week: See how far you can ride on the city bus.
  • Libra: (Sept. 23 — Oct. 23)
    Week rating: F3
    A weird coworker who doesn't know what a cappuccino is will take you out for coffee. This week: Make friends with someone at the grocery store.
  • Scorpio: (Oct. 24 — Nov. 21)
    Week rating: F4
    The stinky Virgo you'll meet on the bus Tuesday will become your new bestie. This week: Bake a coconut cream pie.
  • Sagittarius: (Nov. 22 — Dec. 21) l
    Week rating: F4
    The Universe has planned for your hair to be on fleek Wednesday. This week: Go feed the geese along the Arkansas River.
  • Capricorn: (Dec. 22 — Jan. 19)
    Week rating: F5
    This summer, for the first time, the neighborhood squirrels will not ruin all your tomatoes. This week: Write a nice murder ballad.
  • Aquarius: (Jan. 20 — Feb. 18)
    Week rating: F3
    A cute stranger will compliment you on your choice of basic Old Navy flip flops. This week: Add some Nina Simone to your playlists.
  • Pisces: (Feb. 19 — March 20)
    Week rating: F4
    You are now the kind of person who looks good in a pinstripe suit. This week: Share some coconut cream pie with your sweetheart.