Astropoop!

Astropoop!

The skinny on your week

  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F4
    No, they do not make Aspirin popcorn. This week: Complete your prototype.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F3
    Your early birthday plans go awry. This week: How many colors of sunscreen can you apply?
  • Gemini: (May 21 — June 21)
    Week rating: F4
    Your petition to make your neighbor wear long pants while mowing will get 200 signatures. This week: Fiddle with that thingy-jig you said you'd fix.
  • Cancer: (June 22 — July 22)
    Week rating: F1
    You will seek a place that allows you to worship Gouda cheese. This week: Have a Red Bull with a Yellow Jacket chaser.
  • Leo: (July 23 — Aug. 22)
    Week rating: F3
    You'll die in a head-on collision and be re-born as the Queen of Sheba. This week: Mop the floor with your opponents.
  • Virgo: (Aug. 23 — Sept. 22)
    Week rating: F5
    You'll convince yourself that wearing diamonds before 40 is not always "tacky." This week: Hang Glide for Kid's Sake.
  • Libra: (Sept. 23 — Oct. 23)
    Week rating: F1
    You discover that you can neither duct-tape nor staple your car back together. This week: Have dreams of fish riding bicycles.
  • Scorpio: (Oct. 24 — Nov. 21)
    Week rating: F3
    Your maraschino cherry mobiles will be celebrated as "genius!" This week: Insist on being called "Princess of the Windy Plains."
  • Sagittarius: (Nov. 22 — Dec. 21)
    Week rating: F1
    Yes, you're officially not supposed to eat the purple flowers. This week: Machismo to the max!
  • Capricorn: (Dec. 22 — Jan. 19)
    Week rating: F2
    You're easy as blackberry pie. This week: Do a Paint-by-Mathematical-Symbol.
  • Aquarius: (Jan. 20 — Feb. 18)
    Week rating: F4
    Marty McFly will take you cruising in his sweet, tricked-out ride. This week: Ask yourself, "What would Kermit do?"
  • Pisces: (Feb. 19 — March 20)
    Week rating: F1
    This week will suck, but you'll always have Paris. This week: Attend a Luau. Bring a meatloaf.