Astropoop!

Astropoop!

The skinny on your week

  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F2
    If you start soaking the fruit in alcohol now, you will bake the best fruitcakes for Christmas 2015. This week: Set aside a quarter of your fridge for "aging" the cakes.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F3
    Life is weird right now, but you'll make it through. This week: Order a custom-made cake, just for yourself.
  • Gemini: (May 21 — June 21)
    Week rating: F4
    Your coworkers will soon present you with an award for "neatest desk." This week: Keep your allergies in check by being kind to your Cancer friends.
  • Cancer: (June 22 — July 22)
    Week rating: F1
    Your life will suck on Tuesday, but make a 115% rebound on Wednesday. This week: Send kittens to all of your enemies.
  • Leo: (July 23 — Aug. 22)
    Week rating: F4
    Your best bet for getting in shape is roller-skating to work each day. This week: Go helmet shopping.
  • Virgo: (Aug. 23 — Sept. 22)
    Week rating: F3
    By this time next Thursday, you will have read all the books in the Alford Branch of the Wichita Public Library. This week: Move on to the next branch, bookworm!
  • Libra: (Sept. 23 — Oct. 23)
    Week rating: F4
    Yes, you can deduct part of the expenses of your home-based genetics lab from your 2014 taxes. This week: Brush up on city ordinances for fun.
  • Scorpio: (Oct. 24 — Nov. 21)
    Week rating: F3
    Your office enemy will invite you our for phở, with no ulterior motive. It'll drive you crazy. This week: Ride bicycles with your Capricorn friend this weekend.
  • Sagittarius: (Nov. 22 — Dec. 21)
    Week rating: F5
    You will find flattering shorts in every color of the rainbow at Target. This week: Take your Scorpio work bestie out for phở.
  • Capricorn: (Dec. 22 — Jan. 19)
    Week rating: F4
    Life will take on new meaning when you see the word "meaning" in your alphabet soup. This week: Treat yourself to a brand-new bicycle.
  • Aquarius: (Jan. 20 — Feb. 18)
    Week rating: F2
    You'll run a few too many 10Ks, too close together this week. This week: Treat yourself to a gigantic, non-Jillian Michaels-approved treat from Churn & Burn.
  • Pisces: (Feb. 19 — March 20)
    Week rating: F5
    Paul Reubens will send you the most thoughtful birthday card. This week: Dine exclusively on corned beef hash.