Astropoop!

Astropoop!

The skinny on your week

  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F4
    Reward yourself for voting in the primaries with ice cream at Freddy's. This week: Eat grapes for breakfast.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F1
    Louie the Clown will haunt your dreams ... as well as your waking hours. This week: Read It for tips on how to deal with psycho clowns.
  • Gemini: (May 21 — June 21)
    Week rating: F5
    Yes! Selling that signed Led Zeppelin concert poster will fund your helicopter purchase. This week: Help a neighbor install rain barrels, in hopes that it will rain more.
  • Cancer: (June 22 — July 22)
    Week rating: F3
    With a little grit and a lot of spare change, you will one day own a nickel arcade. This week: Recycle, reduce, reuse, repeat.
  • Leo: (July 23 — Aug. 22)
    Week rating: F2
    You will discover that Lord Voldemort hid a part of his soul in your middle school diary. This week: Hunt down the Sword of Gryffindor.
  • Virgo: (Aug. 23 — Sept. 22)
    Week rating: F4
    You'll find a voicemail from someone called "The Hamburgler" on your phone. This week: Avoid McDonald's until further notice.
  • Libra: (Sept. 23 — Oct. 23)
    Week rating: F4
    The time has come to explain net neutrality to your grandmother. This week: Go on a movie date with your squigglemuffin.
  • Scorpio: (Oct. 24 — Nov. 21)
    Week rating: F2
    Yet another obstacle will appear in your path to world domination. This week: Attack your enemies with a marshmallow gun.
  • Sagittarius: (Nov. 22 — Dec. 21)
    Week rating: F4
    Your "Spaghetti and Spaghetti Westerns" dinner and movie night will be a hit! This week: Take your bestie to the train expo at Century II.
  • Capricorn: (Dec. 22 — Jan. 19)
    Week rating: F1
    You are getting sick and tired of shoveling the driveway. This week: All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
  • Aquarius: (Jan. 20 — Feb. 18)
    Week rating: F5
    You will find the Sword of Gryffindor at an estate sale on Thursday. This week: Help out a Leo with a Horcrux problem.
  • Pisces: (Feb. 19 — March 20)
    Week rating: F5
    Your birthday will be filled with sprinkled and rainbows and all the cakes in Wichita. This week: Join a mariachi band.