Amuse

The skinny on your week

by Diviner Mme Zanzibird | Thursday, September 18 | Posted in Amuse
  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F1
    A colleague will undo six months of your work, then try to fix it all with brownies. This week: Make all decisions using if/then logic.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F2
    Your mom will not convince you the digital download of U2's latest album will be a collector's item someday. This week: Don't take advice from someone using a flip phone.
  • Gemini: (May 21 — June 21)
    Week rating: F3
  • Read more ...
    by Gustavo Arellano | Thursday, September 11 | Posted in Amuse

    Dear Mexican: The Mexican-American community is the most adversely affected by the influx of illegals. Only the politicians have anything to gain from lumping all Hispanics into the Latino category. Are proud, hardworking Mexican-Americans actually willing to continually diminish their own children's American future purely to facilitate the radical Chicano politician's dream of a fearful, disjointed, Third World California? So far, the racist Chicano politicians are succeeding at making fools of the Mexican-American community. Where is the outrage?

    Read more ...

    The skinny on your week

    by Diviner Mme Zanzibird | Thursday, September 11 | Posted in Amuse
  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F2
    Since the State Fair is ending soon, eat three Pronto Pups a day to make the fun last. This week: Skip the Tilt-o-Whirl.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F3
    The best thing you will read all week is a technical manual. This week: Take a walk on down to the library.
  • Gemini: (May 21 — June 21)
    Week rating: F3
  • Read more ...
    by Gustavo Arellano | Thursday, September 4 | Posted in Amuse

    Dear Mexican: I'm from the southeastern U.S., and people think that all people from there are dumb (and, in many, cases correctly — see Bush, G.W.). Is there a similar place in Mexico where other Mexicans think these people are in-bred mouth breathers?

    — Swanee Señor

    Dear Gabacho: Jalisco.

    Read more ...

    The skinny on your week

    by Diviner Mme Zanzibird | Thursday, September 4 | Posted in Amuse
  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F3
    Though you've thought of the perfect Halloween costume, it's so obscure that you'll need to begin ordering accessories now. This week: You're never too old to enjoy Jenga.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F1
    A (literal) storm cloud will move in over you Wednesday and stay 'till next Thursday. This week: Shroud yourself in mystery.
  • Gemini: (May 21 — June 21)
    Week rating: F4
  • Read more ...
    by Gustavo Arellano | Thursday, August 28 | Posted in Amuse

    Dear Mexican: I see lots of Mexican-Americans struggling in grade school and high school. Many Mexican-American activists claim it's because they don't speak English at home or the schools don't teach them well. But I see lots of Asian-Americans in the same schools who do really well. Many of them also don't speak English at home. The last time I went to a hospital, it seemed like Asians were 30% of all the doctors. I didn't see a single Latino one. Why is it that one group consistently does better than the other?

    — Clueless

    Read more ...

    The skinny on your week

    by Diviner Mme Zanzibird | Thursday, August 28 | Posted in Amuse
  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F5
    When you find a brand-new calliope on sale, you will have both the wisdom and cash to buy it. This week: Treat your friend to an order of sopapillas.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F2
    Ice cream and cold compresses will help you get through the next week. This week: Run away and join the circus.
  • Gemini: (May 21 — June 21)
    Week rating: F3
  • Read more ...

    Special Best Of Edición.

    by Gustavo Arellano | Thursday, August 21 | Posted in Amuse

    Dear Readers: The Mexican just got married to a chica caliente, so he's taken her on a honeymoon to the motherland so she can learn the proper art of tortilla-making. In the meanwhile, I offer this Best Of edition because I plan to do all of my work this week en la cama — ZING!

    Read more ...

    The skinny on your week

    by Diviner Mme Zanzibird | Thursday, August 21 | Posted in Amuse
  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F3
    As long as it is over 100 degrees outside, you are excused from wearing pants. This week: Bring cookies to a friend who needs them.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F5
    A friend will buy you a bird of paradise "just because." This week: Learn about birds of paradise so you don't kill your new pet.
  • Gemini: (May 21 — June 21)
    Week rating: F2
  • Read more ...
    by Gustavo Arellano | Thursday, August 14 | Posted in Amuse

    Dear Mexican: I'm not Mexican, but my son-in-law is. He is intelligent, bright, enthusiastic and pleasant to spend time with. He came here illegally at the age of 18 with his aunts. He and my daughter are married, have a 3-1/2-year-old son and have gone through the entire process of filing papers and paying fees so he could enter the country legally. Last week, at the instruction of la migra, he went to Juarez, Mexico to apply for his visa. He had his physical after waiting in line for nine hours. Then, he stood in line for his 9:45 a.m.

    Read more ...

    The skinny on your week

    by Diviner Mme Zanzibird | Thursday, August 14 | Posted in Amuse
  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F1
    All of your hopes will be dashed on Wednesday, but you'll have new dreams by Friday. This week: Weather the storm.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F4
    A friend will convince you attend a show you'd never pick on your own, wearing an outfit you'd never choose on your own; roll with it. This week: Find your favorite brand of sea salt & vinegar chips.
  • Gemini: (May 21 — June 21)
    Week rating: F3
  • Read more ...
    by Gustavo Arellano | Thursday, August 7 | Posted in Amuse

    Dear Mexican: I'm a handsome exemplar of the bronce race living in the motherland. I'm dating a beautiful and wonderful gringuita who is soon taking a trip over the border from the U.S. to Mexico for the first time to visit me and my pinche big family. There are a couple of things that worry me, though. First of all, she seems to have a fairly pessimistic view of Mexico (probably due to anti-Mexican propaganda and inherited biased family ideas). She says that she's very excited to visit, but I can sense that there's fear in her.

    Read more ...
    Thursday, August 7 | Posted in Amuse

    The skinny on your week

    by Diviner Mme Zanzibird

  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F3
    A fight at your neighborhood association meeting will come to actual blows.
  • This week: Practice putting ships in bottles.

    Read more ...
    by Gustavo Arellano | Thursday, July 31 | Posted in Amuse

    Dear Mexican: What is it about the many gringos/gabachos who constantly slaughter Spanish words? Spanish is easy to pronounce (and spell) compared to English. The vowels (a, e, i, o, u) are always pronounced the same way. In English, vowels vary a lot — difficult for new learners. In Spanish, all the other alphabet letters are pronounced the same way, except for a few, such as "J" (guttural-sounding) and "X" (like the aspired "J"). But "H" is always silent, "Y" is like "I", and double "ll" is pronounced "yah."

    — Llamame Frustrado

    Read more ...

    The skinny on your week

    by Diviner Mme Zanzibird | Thursday, July 31 | Posted in Amuse
  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F3
    Governor Brownback will invite you to Cedar Crest for beers and Cards Against Humanity. Proceed with caution. This week: Bake apple pies, like an American.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F4
    While waiting in line at College Hill Creamery, a woman will read your palm with frightening accuracy. This week: Take up the stand-up bass.
  • Gemini: (May 21 — June 21)
    Week rating: F5
  • Read more ...
    by Gustavo Arellano | Thursday, July 17 | Posted in Amuse

    Dear Mexican: I have some questions and observations. During George W. Bush's administration, there was a lot of talk for and against comprehensive immigration reform (amnesty to some). One remark that I recall was stated by a Mexican that went something like, "Go back to Europe!" Aren't Mexicans of European descent also? Hello, colonized by Spain. I thought to myself, "Why don't you go back to Europe? Unless you are puro indio, your roots from Europe, also." Immigration reform aside, what are your thoughts on going back to Europe?

    Read more ...

    The skinny on your week

    by Diviner Mme Zanzibird | Thursday, July 17 | Posted in Amuse
  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F2
    You will struggle with the weight of knowing rock and roll is here to stay. Forever. This week: Rollerblade the blues away.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F3
    You have the longest summer reading list among your friends. Cheers to you! This week: Make yourself a Nutella mocha frappé.
  • Gemini: (May 21 — June 21)
    Week rating: F4
  • Read more ...

    The skinny on your week

    by Diviner Mme Zanzibird | Thursday, July 10 | Posted in Amuse
  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F3
    To save money on your air conditioning bill, get a job at a movie theater. This week: Eat love and kindness and oat bran for breakfast.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F4
    The specter of financial ruin will follow you until Wednesday, when you shake it. This week: Make nice with the tax man.
  • Gemini: (May 21 — June 21)
    Week rating: F5
  • Read more ...
    by Gustavo Arellano | Thursday, July 10 | Posted in Amuse

    Dear Mexican: I noticed that Mexican people don't generally smoke. Don't get me wrong — I'm not condoning smoking, but it's interesting to see how some groups do or do not smoke, and I have yet to see a Mexican person smoke cigarettes. Does the tobacco industry not target Latinos?

    Fulminating Fumador

    Read more ...
    by Gustavo Arellano | Thursday, July 10 | Posted in Amuse

    Dear Mexican: I noticed that Mexican people don't generally smoke. Don't get me wrong — I'm not condoning smoking, but it's interesting to see how some groups do or do not smoke, and I have yet to see a Mexican person smoke cigarettes. Does the tobacco industry not target Latinos?

    Fulminating Fumador

    Read more ...

    Pages