Amuse

The skinny on your week

by Diviner Mme Zanzibird | Thursday, February 5 | Posted in Amuse
  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F2
    A well-meaning friend tries to cheer you up by buying a helicopter. This week: Find an old attic in which to write "your memoirs."
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F4
    The Kirby vacuum salesman who will show up at your door is destined to become your best friend. This week: Try to find the best tiramisu in town.
  • Gemini: (May 21 — June 21)
    Week rating: F3
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    by Gustavo Arellano | Thursday, January 29 | Posted in Amuse

    Dear Mexican: Why is rock en español so mellow? You'd think that with so much injustice, Mexican rock bands would sound angrier.

    — El Gigante de Anaheim

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    The skinny on your week

    by Diviner Mme Zanzibird | Thursday, January 29 | Posted in Amuse
  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F5
    Your sweetheart will get you a real meadowlark for Kansas Day. This week: Re-read the Lord of the Rings series.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F3
    Now is the time to use those free snowboarding lessons you got for Hanukkah. This week: Enjoy all that sunny Colorado has to offer.
  • Gemini: (May 21 — June 21)
    Week rating: F2
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    by Gustavo Arellano | Thursday, January 22 | Posted in Amuse

    Dear Mexican: I have a hard time believing that the immigrants we see at Home Depot are the best Mexico has to offer. Why can't we entice more of the cream of the crop of Mexicans to come up north? (Mexico has the richest man in the world, so someone has to be doing something right.) Are the laws just fucked up, or are these people better off staying? It couldn't hurt the other immigrants if we had more well-educated immigrants messing up our stereotypes.

    — We Can't Do Better?

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    The skinny on your week

    by Diviner Mme Zanzibird | Thursday, January 22 | Posted in Amuse
  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F2
    All you need to perk up is a new velour sweatsuit. This week: Don't let the bastards grind you down.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F4
    The time has come to adopt a cat. This week: Drink with a friend and listen to old country music.
  • Gemini: (May 21 — June 21)
    Week rating: F3
    Journalist Brian Williams will actually follow up on the news tip you left him last month. This week: Make sure everything you say is on the record.
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    The skinny on your week

    by Diviner Mme Zanzibird | Thursday, January 15 | Posted in Amuse
  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F3
    Split pea soup is also good for the soul. This week: Swim laps in the hot tub.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F2
    You'll have just enough time to knit an extra sweater before the snow falls again. This week: Keep knitting and stay warm.
  • Gemini: (May 21 — June 21)
    Week rating: F5
    Happiness is a cheese pizza from Knolla's with extra cheese. This week: Share the happiness with a friend.
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    Special Tucson Edition

    by Gustavo Arellano | Thursday, January 15 | Posted in Amuse

    Dear Mexican: I go to Mexico frequently, as I live in Tucson. I kinda like Mexicans. Many Mexicans die in the Sonoran Desert in the Tucson border sector, trying to get to el otro lado. This is because your buddies at la migra in the L.A. sector have pushed them over this way. Instead of sneaking in with small groups, why don't Mexicans just mass at the border at a chosen spot in an urban location and come on in! Can't catch them all. Migra will just send them back if they get caught.

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    by Gustavo Arellano | Thursday, January 8 | Posted in Amuse

    Dear Mexican: I'm in college and I'm taking a class called Latina Pop Culture. I thought it would be educational and informative about the rich Latino/a culture, and I was eager to learn. But the moment I entered the class, it was evident that, as a white girl, I would have to be on the defensive. All we've discussed is how my "Anglo" culture has oppressed Latina women and stereotyped them as curvy and tempestuous, and how media whitewashes them.

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    The skinny on your week

    by Diviner Mme Zanzibird | Thursday, January 8 | Posted in Amuse
  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F5
    Eating black-eyed peas every day this month will pay off ... in luck and in fiber. Unless your name is Fergie. Then it's just cannibalism. This week: Incorporate the term "raisin ranch" into your workplace lingo.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F3
    Since all of January will be freezing and horrible, now is a great time to re-read the Little House on the Prairie series. This week: Knit more blankets to keep yourself warm.
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    The skinny on your week

    by Diviner Mme Zanzibird | Wednesday, January 7 | Posted in Amuse
  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F4
    For wooing a Valentine, remember no one does syrup like Ingrid Michaelson. This week: Go to couple's skate night at Skate South.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F5
    A friend will surprise you with tickets to the circus this week. This week: Write angry poems about freezing and heartbreak.
  • Gemini: (May 21 — June 21)
    Week rating: F2
    Your Valentine's Day will be more illogical and unpredictable than the existence of a star-nosed mole. This week: Celebrate with champagne and Netflix.
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    by Gustavo Arellano | Wednesday, December 24 | Posted in Amuse

    Dear Mexican: The other day, my Italian boyfriend and I were sitting in a cafe in Santa Monica. He asked me an interesting question: "If you had the choice to be any nationality in the world, which one would you choose?" Being the proud Latina that I am, I said, "Mexican." Then he said, "Why? What have Mexicans done that is so great?" The only come back I could think of was Frida Kahlo and Diego Rivera. Please help me come up with more reasons why I should be proud to be a Mexican.

    — Smitten with Salami

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    The skinny on your week

    by Diviner Mme Zanzibird | Wednesday, December 24 | Posted in Amuse
  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F3
    Once this pesky Christmas thing is over, you can revel in your favorite: New Year's Eve.
    This week: Put cinnamon in everything.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F4
    You are destined to be an award-winning train conductor.
    This week: Take in a picture show with someone handsome.
  • Gemini: (May 21 — June 21)
    Week rating: F2
    You will be the very person this season to see the Lights at St. Paul.
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    The skinny on your week

    by Diviner Mme Zanzibird | Thursday, December 18 | Posted in Amuse
  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F2
    Due to poor gift planning on your part, your whole family is getting Chex Mix for Christmas. This week: Stock up on Worcestershire sauce.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F5
    An Aries will give you some of the tastiest Chex Mix in the world. This week: Let your love of overly decorated sweater vests shine.
  • Gemini: (May 21 — June 21)
    Week rating: F3
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    Special Navidad Gift Guide Edition!

    by Gustavo Arellano | Thursday, December 18 | Posted in Amuse

    Gentle cabrones: Behold my annual Mexican Christmas guide, where I recommend the best Mexi-themed libros for you to give to your loved ones this Navidad instead of yet another tamale to unwrap. Buy them at your local bookstore or order online, but do buy!

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    by Gustavo Arellano | Thursday, December 11 | Posted in Amuse

    Dear Mexican: I'm a third-year university student, a liberal studies and Spanish major. My family, extended and immediate, always likes the chisme. During a family carne asada, we were all talking when one of my tías asked me what I was doing with my life — she and the rest of my aunts seemed like they genuinely wanted to know. But when I told them that I only needed one more year to graduate, it seemed as if I said something wrong. They stared at me, said nothing, and completely ignored what I said.

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    The skinny on your week

    by Diviner Mme Zanzibird | Thursday, December 11 | Posted in Amuse
  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F1
    You'll fly by the seat of your pants through the rest of December. This week: Stock up on candy canes and antacids.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F2
    A mild disagreement with your mail carrier will result in actual coal being delivered to your home. This week: Enjoy the reduced energy bill.
  • Gemini: (May 21 — June 21)
    Week rating: F4
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    by Don Winsor | Tuesday, December 9 | Posted in Amuse

    Because you know, wether it's as a brain damaged taxi driver or a time-traveling mad scientist, you need more Christopher Lloyd in your life. Particularly during the holidays.

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    by Gustavo Arellano | Thursday, December 4 | Posted in Amuse

    Dear Mexican: I teach writing at a local community college. My students are writing their final essays on a local problem; I have one student who has decided to write about illegal immigration (specifically Mexican). We were discussing, as a class, each student's project, and this student made a comment that I wish I had reacted to differently.

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    The skinny on your week

    by Diviner Mme Zanzibird | Thursday, December 4 | Posted in Amuse
  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F2
    A well-meaning aunt will send you a dozen Christmas socks. This week: Dig out your old Perry Como holiday records.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F3
    A magical talking frog will give you bad investment advice. This week: Start answering "Dear Santa" letters.
  • Gemini: (May 21 — June 21)
    Week rating: F5
    A mysterious woman in white will give you a ride in a sleigh. This week: Don't eat the Turkish Delight.
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    by Gustavo Arellano | Wednesday, November 26 | Posted in Amuse

    Dear Mexican: I was reading the comments (BIG MISTAKE) on an article I recently read regarding St. Charles, Missouri adopting Arizona-style immigration Law. I was SHOCKED at the amount of people who support this law and my question to you is: why can't people see the bad implications of that law? What are we: World War II Germany, where we need to show our papers? I'm outraged that in this day and age, there are so many folks racist against Mexicans. I've made people very angry by standing against the immigration law or the racial profiling of Mexicans.

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