Amuse

Thursday, April 9 | Posted in Amuse

The skinny on your week

by Diviner Mme Zanzibird

  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F5
    One day, your face will be on the dollar bill.
  • This week: Enjoy some birthday karaoke with friends.

  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F5
    You will create the perfect order at Cold Stone Creamery.
  • This week: Take up the sitar to look cool.

  • Gemini: (May 21 — June 21)
    Week rating: F2
    Gweneth Paltrow will feature prominently in your dreams.
  • This week: Dilly dally.

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    by Gustavo Arellano | Thursday, April 9 | Posted in Amuse

    Dear Mexican: I'm a 23-year-old Latina attending a Texas university. I'm taking a class that is centered around Latino culture and history. I'm a first generation Tex-Mex kid, and lately all of the documentaries and other course work have been making me "feel some type of way" — angry, sad and overall confused — for lack of better phrasing. I don't know how to handle these feelings, and it is making me be more introspective about the Latino/Mexican part of my identity — as if I didn't already have enough issues there.

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    by Gustavo Arellano | Thursday, April 2 | Posted in Amuse

    Dear Mexican: Why do so many cholos like the song "I'm Your Puppet" by James & Bobby Purify? Is there something about this song or is it all oldies they like?

    — Aspiring Puppeteer

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    The skinny on your week

    by Diviner Mme Zanzibird | Thursday, April 2 | Posted in Amuse
  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F5
    Since your birthday is this month, it's totally OK to keep eating ice cream every day. This week: Get your College Hill Creamery on.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F4
    Your only directive this week is to bake cookies, lots of them. This week: Get pumped about the mayoral elections next week.
  • Gemini: (May 21 — June 21)
    Week rating: F3
  • Read more ...

    We'll trust you know what that means.

    by Don Winsor | Wednesday, April 1 | Posted in Amuse

    This article will be updated all day with the most important April 1st news from around the web.

    * CERN researchers at the Large Hadron Collider have found evidence of “The Force”: http://home.web.cern.ch/about/updates/2015/04/cern-researchers-confirm-e...

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    by Gustavo Arellano | Thursday, March 26 | Posted in Amuse

    Dear Mexican: Why are we put down by our own people for being educated and articulate while the Anglos accept us for being smart? I work in Santa Ana, California, as a high school teacher and am considered very good at what I do, but when I meet with the Mexican parents, it almost borders on mistrust. What is it — envy, paranoia, jealousy?

    — Smart Mexican American Reading Teacher Asking Serious Stuff

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    The skinny on your week

    by Diviner Mme Zanzibird | Thursday, March 26 | Posted in Amuse
  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F2
    You shouldn't hide that sprocket rocket in your pants.
  • This week: Get in a barbershop war.

  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F3
    That charcoal sketch of your building manager will earn you $25 off next month's rent.
  • This week: Barbara Walters is on your speed-dial.

    Read more ...

    SPECIAL BEST-OF EDITION

    by Gustavo Arellano | Thursday, March 19 | Posted in Amuse

    Dear Mexican: Why do wabs, regardless of age and body size, always have one hand rubbing their bellies under their shirts? Is this something that is inherent in all wabs? Because they all do it, especially the "fresh from the border" ones. I don't get it. I'm a pocho, and I've never seen other pochos do it. Are wabs finger-banging their belly buttons or what? They all look so fucking stupid doing this. Just go to Home Depot and watch them!

    — Pocho with Albóndigas Grandes

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    The skinny on your week

    by Diviner Mme Zanzibird | Thursday, March 19 | Posted in Amuse
  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F2
    If you start soaking the fruit in alcohol now, you will bake the best fruitcakes for Christmas 2015. This week: Set aside a quarter of your fridge for "aging" the cakes.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F3
    Life is weird right now, but you'll make it through. This week: Order a custom-made cake, just for yourself.
  • Gemini: (May 21 — June 21)
    Week rating: F4
  • Read more ...
    by Gustavo Arellano | Thursday, March 12 | Posted in Amuse

    Dear Mexican: So there I was, sitting in Spanish class, like the good half-frog/half wop (i.e., "frop") that I am, when I observe the Spanish teacher write the word "esposas" up on the board. Imagine my shock/horror when the teacher told us "esposas" has two meanings: "wives" and "handcuffs"! PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS A COINCIDENCE!

    — Fropito from Laguna Hills

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    The skinny on your week

    by Diviner Mme Zanzibird | Thursday, March 12 | Posted in Amuse
  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F3
    Now that spring weather has arrived, now is the time to take up bird watching. This week: Invest in a pair of decent binoculars.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F4
    You will soon have the opportunity to buy a 10-pound jar of marshmallow fluff. Take it. This week: Get hip to fluff-er-nutter sandwiches.
  • Gemini: (May 21 — June 21)
    Week rating: F5
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    by Gustavo Arellano | Thursday, March 5 | Posted in Amuse

    Dear Mexican: Recently, I visited a viejecita in an assisted living home. As I'm getting on in years myself, I wondered how I would fare in such a place. Fortunately I like to eat cottage cheese, but I would like some salsa with it, or better yet, an occasional jalapeño en escabeche. Are there places for those of us who like spicy Mexican food? Perhaps you have answered this question already in Taco USA, but I have been so busy lately that I have not yet cracked the cover of my copy.

    Sabor Para Mi

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    The skinny on your week

    by Diviner Mme Zanzibird | Thursday, March 5 | Posted in Amuse
  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F4
    Reward yourself for voting in the primaries with ice cream at Freddy's. This week: Eat grapes for breakfast.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F1
    Louie the Clown will haunt your dreams ... as well as your waking hours. This week: Read It for tips on how to deal with psycho clowns.
  • Gemini: (May 21 — June 21)
    Week rating: F5
  • Read more ...
    by Gustavo Arellano | Thursday, February 26 | Posted in Amuse

    Dear Mexican: As I've been doing a lot more business in the city of Santa Ana (one of the most-Mexican cities in the U.S.), I've realized that a shitload of Mexicans are the Fox News-type conservative, yacking out the same kind of shit you hear at a Glenn Beck conference except for immigration (probably because Tío Juan has no papers). But I've also met a ton of anti-immigrant Latinos who look like they just hopped the border themselves.

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    The skinny on your week

    by Diviner Mme Zanzibird | Thursday, February 26 | Posted in Amuse
  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F5
    When you decide to vary your running route, you'll find $5 along the new one. This week: Dance with your spouse in the kitchen.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F4
    You will attain a new level of self-reliance after learning to make naan. This week: All zucchini are not created equally.
  • Gemini: (May 21 — June 21)
    Week rating: F1
    Who knew that you could get kicked out of a mayor candidate's forum? This week: Vote, vote, and vote again.
  • Read more ...
    by Gustavo Arellano | Thursday, February 19 | Posted in Amuse

    Dear Mexican: As you've said before, Mexicans lack education. Why do they? Why don't they care that a high-school education is not enough in this 21st century? I see exceptions to the rule, but the rule seems to be "no more school after high school." I don't get it.

    — Educated Gabacho

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    The skinny on your week

    by Diviner Mme Zanzibird | Thursday, February 19 | Posted in Amuse
  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F4
    The biggest thrill of your week will be taking part in a BOGO sale on state representatives. This week: Buy low, sell high!
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F3
    You'll be stuck in a culinary rut until March, so have cheese and crackers for dinner every night. This week: Join a water polo team.
  • Gemini: (May 21 — June 21)
    Week rating: F5
  • Read more ...
    by Gustavo Arellano | Thursday, February 12 | Posted in Amuse

    Dear Mexican: Can you please explain to me the basis as to why some Chicanos and mexicanos get offended when you speak to them in Spanish? As a fellow Chicano, I find it hard to believe that raza gets offended by this genuine approach to them. Have you noticed this behavior yourself? That little dirty look that comes from when you say "Hola" to them makes it hard to even approach. Is this pattern more deeply rooted in the times where speaking Spanish was shameful act in the U.S.? And to be accepted, many Chicanos were prohibited from speaking Spanish?

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    The skinny on your week

    by Diviner Mme Zanzibird | Thursday, February 12 | Posted in Amuse
  • Aries: (March 21 — April 19)
    Week rating: F3
    Your Galentine's Day celebrations will far exceed your Valentine's Day celebrations. This week: Treat yo'self to some leftover chocolates.
  • Taurus: (April 20 — May 20)
    Week rating: F2
    Since city buses don't run on Sundays, your pedicab service will really take off. This week: Find a new way to incorporate leftover chocolate into your diet.
  • Gemini: (May 21 — June 21)
    Week rating: F4
  • Read more ...
    by Gustavo Arellano | Thursday, February 5 | Posted in Amuse

    Dear Mexican: Do Mexicans sling racial slurs at each other or casually refer to each other as "wabs," similar to the way blacks call each other "nigger?" What's your take on the whole "nigger" thing anyway?"

    — Kingfish the Cabrón

    Read more ...

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